Someone always needs to be right while the other person has to be wrong. How about if each of you has a good point and you let the other know that.
When you show anger and frustration to your partner over behavior that genuinely benefits you behind the scenes, that’s unfair and causes distress needlessly.
It can be challenging to be vulnerable even with a partner, so it can be painful when a partner points out shortcomings. That causes a defensive reaction and walls to go up.
It’s effortless to point the finger, so there’s nothing for you to do to fix the problem, nor do you need to feel guilt about the situation. In fact, you have control and a sense of “moral superiority.”
Controlling another person can result in toxicity and a damaged relationship. It’s natural for people to desire power even in intimate partnerships.
An example with this pattern is someone who assumes that their partner continually shows up late strictly to be disrespectful because they know the problem this behavior causes.
Assuming that a character flaw is responsible for the reasons someone shows up late on what you believe is a consistent basis is another pattern that’s unhealthy.
Again, in the example of being late occasionally, when this is presented as a situation that always happens,